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This is Clarissa's story

Q1. Personal Experience Can you describe what living with depression or dysthymia feels like on a daily basis? A: Living with depression is a bit like riding a wave you can’t control. Some mornings I wake up feeling hopeful and energized—ready to take on whatever comes my way. Other days, it’s like there’s a weight on my chest. I wake up already feeling off, uncertain of myself, and even the simplest tasks—like getting out of bed—can feel monumental. Q2. Triggers and Patterns What are some common triggers or situations that you’ve noticed worsen your symptoms? A: One notable trigger for me is the topic of suicide. Even though I’ve grown emotionally and learned how to compartmentalize my feelings, being required to go through suicide prevention training for work can bring those emotions back to the surface. It’s not always predictable, but certain conversations or reminders can re-open wounds I thought had healed. Q3. Self-Awareness How do you differentiate between your “baseline” feelings and moments when your condition becomes more intense? A: For me, the key sign is when negative thoughts begin to loop nonstop in my mind. When I spiral into that headspace and can’t pull myself out, that’s when I know I’ve crossed from baseline into something more intense. Panic or anxiety attacks are also clear indicators. It’s not just about feeling down—it’s about losing touch with any sense of self-worth and struggling to quiet that inner critic. Q4. Coping Strategies What strategies, habits, tools, and lifestyle choices have been most effective in helping you manage your depression or dysthymia in your personal and school life? Surrounding myself with friends and people who genuinely care about me has been crucial—especially when I’m in a particularly bad place or feeling tempted to isolate. Therapy, whether weekly or biweekly, has been a vital lifeline. Staying focused on progress and taking small steps forward helps me feel like I’m reclaiming control. Journaling helps me process overwhelming emotions, and breathing exercises ground me when I’m spiraling. Q5. Support Systems How have family, friends, or colleagues supported you in managing your condition? What advice would you give to loved ones supporting someone who suffers from depression or dysthymia? A: I’m not always great at asking for help, which makes the people who consistently check in on me all the more important. Their quiet persistence—even when I say I’m “fine”—has meant everything. My advice to loved ones is this: don’t give up. Even when someone you care about retreats or seems unresponsive, keep reaching out. Keep inviting them. Keep showing up. Your presence—your willingness to listen without trying to “fix” them—can be more powerful than you realize. It’s the care behind the gesture that matters most. 6. Medication and Therapy Have you found any particular forms of therapy, medication, or self-help resources to be especially effective? If so, what made them work for you? A: Therapy has been invaluable, though it’s important to understand that not every therapist will be the right fit. If the connection doesn’t feel right, keep looking. The right therapist can make a world of difference. Journaling has also been incredibly therapeutic. It gives me a safe space to be honest with myself and untangle the thoughts in my head. Q7. Productivity & Life Goals In what ways has living with depression or dysthymia impacted your ability to pursue personal, academic, or extracurricular goals? A: There have been times when my mental health held me back—from missing parts of games and practices to struggling academically. I’ve had moments of failure, and they were hard. But seeking therapy and embracing self-care strategies have helped me limit how much those struggles affect my life. There will always be difficult days, but the work I put into managing my condition helps me keep moving forward, even if progress isn’t always linear. Q8. Strength & Sense of Identity How do you maintain your sense of identity or self-worth while living with this condition? A: Maintaining my sense of identity while living with depression has been a journey of learning to separate who I am from what I feel. Depression often tries to convince you that you are broken, unworthy, or a burden—but I’ve worked hard to remind myself that I am more than my darkest thoughts. I try to anchor myself in the things that bring me joy and purpose—my friendships, my passions, the small victories that prove I’m still growing. My identity isn’t defined by my struggles, but by how I choose to keep showing up despite them. Q9. Stigma and Misunderstandings Have you encountered any misconceptions or stigma about depressive disorders, and how have you responded to them? A: Yes—one of the most harmful misconceptions is the belief that mental health disorders are a choice, or that they’re used as an excuse to avoid hard work. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Living with a mental health condition means fighting an invisible battle every single day just to function. People who don’t experience it often struggle to understand, which is why education and empathy are so important. Mental illness doesn’t define who we are—it’s one part of our experience, not the whole story. Q10. Growth and Reflection Are there any personal strengths or perspectives you’ve developed as a result of living with depression? What have you learned about yourself through this experience? What have you learned about others? Living with depression has taught me to withhold judgment. You never know what someone is carrying silently. Everyone is fighting their own battles, and that realization has made me more compassionate and patient. I’ve also learned to be gentler with myself. Healing isn’t a straight line. Some days are harder than others, and that’s okay. What matters is continuing to show up and do the work, even if progress is slow. Q11. Advice for Others What advice would you give to someone newly diagnosed with depression or dysthymia or those who experience PMDD or occasional bouts of depression? To anyone who is newly diagnosed or struggling: please know it does get better. Not overnight, and not without effort, but it does. Allow yourself to take things one day at a time. You don’t have to fix everything all at once. Lean on your support system. Let people help you. And most importantly, give yourself grace. Bad days will come, but they don’t last forever—and with time, reflection, and support, you’ll start to understand your patterns and learn how to weather them with more strength and less fear.

Interview with Devon R., High School Senior and Future Physics-Philosophy Major

Audrey: Devon, thanks for sitting down with me. You’re heading to college soon with plans to double major in physics and philosophy — an intense combo. What drew you to those subjects? Devon: Thanks for having me. Honestly? I like questions that don’t have easy answers. Or maybe no answers at all. Physics gives me a way to understand the universe — like, what is time actually? — while philosophy lets me question whether time is even real or just a weird illusion cooked up by our minds trying to make sense of entropy. Also, I like contradictions. They make me feel less alone. Audrey: That’s a very Devon answer. [laughs]. Would you say contradiction is a theme in your life? Devon: [laughs] That’s generous. More like a reality I haven’t figured out how to live with. Like… I want to be healthy, but I’m terrified of what that looks like. I want to be visible for who I am — like intellectually, spiritually — but also invisible, especially when I walk past reflective surfaces or hear someone whisper. So yeah, lots of contradictions of which I’m aware but somehow am unable to reconcile. Audrey: I appreciate that you can be open about your struggle with anorexia ––which seems to not be so common. How did it start and what has your high school journey been like? Devon: A family friend said something like, “You’d be so pretty if you just lost a few pounds.” It took such a hit on my confidence. I started trying to be “better” — eating less, working out more, you know the usual diet tropes. But at some point, I understood that it wasn’t really about looking better, it was about control. Like, if I could control this one thing — my body, my intake — then maybe I could manage the rest of the chaos. I’m sensitive. I look at the world ––the wars, the violence, the injustice and inhumanity, and above all our culture that sexualizes girls and punishes women for aging ––and it’s brutal. It makes you feel powerless.. But hunger? It feels like its own kind of mastery and power with some endorphins thrown in for good measure. Audrey: That sounds incredibly difficult and painful. When did you realize it had become something harmful? Devon: I actually started fainting in random places. Also, I couldn’t read a page of a physics textbook without re-reading it five times because my brain felt full of static. I entered a vicious cycle of severely restricting then binging because I was literally starving, then panicking and trying to undo it all with more severe restriction and compulsive, excessive exercise. It’s like this exhausting loop I can’t get out of. What disgusts me most is all the praise I get. “You look amazing!” “What have you been doing ?” In our society, it appears that for women, wasting away is a glow-up. It infuriates me. Audrey: I hear you. That must be incredibly confusing and angering. Devon: Definitely. Part of me still craves validation, acknowledgement of all of my twisted efforts. Part of me thinks I’m finally thin enough, and the other knows I look sick and probably scare small children. [laughs] None of it makes sense. Another part of me feels rebellious -wants to look sick, look awful just to make a statement. Like I’m trying to disappear, or un-gender myself. A kind of protest, I guess — against beauty standards, against capitalism, against the whole messed-up value system we never asked to be part of. But there’s also a spiritual element, like I don’t want to be burdened by the base needs of our bodies, just exist as an ethereal, intellectual being, or at the very least never be naked –––only nude. Audrey: But you do want to get better, do you not? Devon: [long pause] I do; I really do. I want to be able to think clearly again. To run because it feels good, not because I’m burning penance. I want to go out for dinner with friends without mapping out how I’ll punish myself and make up for it later. But eating is still terrifying. Gaining weight feels like losing something. Control. Identity. Safety. I know that’s the disorder talking. But knowing isn’t always enough. When it gets really bad you come to understand that you have to make a choice between life or death. Surely it is better to be alive as a “fat” and messy person than die thin and “in control.” Audrey: If you could talk to your younger self — the girl who first heard that judgmental comment — what would you say? Devon: I’d tell myself that my worth is not measured by the circumference of my thighs. That being “pretty” isn’t a reward — it’s a distraction, a trap. I’d convince myself that I’m not weak for having feelings or for wanting to feel safe. Most importantly real control of one’s life comes from knowing yourself and choosing compassion, repeatedly. I know these things intellectually but am unable to abide by them. Audrey: Those are such powerful ideas. It is hard to hear about your struggles but I take comfort in knowing you have such wisdom and resilience and many people supporting you. What do you hope for yourself as you begin this next chapter? Devon: I want to be able to heed those words and actually follow through. I want to help others who also struggle with an eating disorder. Deep down I understand that we are wasting our lives and all the good that we have to offer the world. That’s the disease. And I am more than just my illness. I want to study the stars and the brain and write illuminating philosophy papers and have fun and be free to be exactly who I am whether I’m in my dorm kitchen, at a party, or on a date. And I want, someday, to be able to just live normally, eat an ice cream cone without guilt, move comfortably in my own body, feel loved and love in return, and be my authentic self, unabashedly. I also want to stop being so tired…I’m so so tired.

Interview with Helena: An Artist Navigating College with Severe ADHD

Audrey: Thank you for speaking with me today, Helena. To start, can you tell us a little about when you were diagnosed with ADHD and what that process was like for you? Helena: Absolutely—and thanks for your interest! I was diagnosed with severe ADHD during my sophomore year of high school. It was a relief to have an answer for why I was “different,” a kind of human tornado of you will. Why I was always losing my notebooks, forgetting my locker combo, and starting projects with wild enthusiasm only to abandon them halfway through. I once left a half-painted mural drying on our garage door for two months before my mom begged me to finish it. Anyway, things really hit a wall when I started having anxiety attacks before tests or freezing up when I had to start assignments. It was my mom—who is basically part detective, part espresso—who pushed for a full evaluation. Getting diagnosed felt like someone had finally handed me the instruction manual to my brain, even if half of it was written in crayon. [laughs] Audrey: That must’ve been a big shift. What are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced since starting college? Helena: I have a love-hate relationship with Boston and with college. On the one hand, I get to skateboard along the Charles River in the mornings, which clears my head better than any energy drink ever could. On the other hand… time management is a beast. I’ll hyperfocus on painting this one corner of a canvas until it’s perfect, then look up and realize I’ve missed dinner and my economics discussion section. Also, sound sensitivity is a problem. I live in a dorm where this guy is always playing saxophone at ungodly hours. I love jazz as much as the next artsy, neurodivergent girl, but not at 1:47 a.m., Chad. Audrey: You mentioned hyperfocusing. How does that impact your daily life? Helena: Hyperfocus is my superpower and my kryptonite. When I’m in the zone—like working on a mixed-media piece or editing one of my skating videos from Fenway Park—I’m unstoppable [cue the song by Sia!]. But it’s also like being in a time warp. I’ll blink, and suddenly it’s 3 a.m., my phone has 12 missed calls, and I’ve forgotten I had a paper due… yesterday! It’s like I can feel time only in hindsight. During, it’s just vibes and paint splatters. [laughs] Audrey: What about social or emotional challenges? I read that ADHD can often come with emotional regulation issues. Helena: For sure. Emotional dysregulation is like riding a rollercoaster… blindfolded… while holding a ferret. Like, if a professor gives me a “Hmm, interesting” on an essay, I spiral into “they think I’m a fraud and my brain is soup” territory. And if a friend doesn’t text back, I’m instantly convinced I’ve ruined the friendship forever—then I find out they just dropped their phone in the Charles. Rejection sensitivity hits hard. Anxiety is like the background static of my brain. Therapy’s helping. So is skateboarding, honestly—it’s the one time my thoughts quiet down, and it’s just me, the board, and the sidewalk dodging pigeons. Audrey: How do you handle those moments? Helena: I try to remind myself that the world’s not ending because I sent a text with a typo. Also, my cat, Toulouse-Lautrec, is weirdly intuitive and sits on my lap like a therapy blanket when I’m spiraling. I don’t know what I’d do without him. Audrey: Are there any misconceptions about ADHD that you wish people understood better? Helena: So many. People think ADHD means you just can’t focus. But as I mentioned above, we can laser focus— on the things we’re interested in, which just so happens to not always be the “right” or more strategic thing. I once conducted three hours of research on Victorian mourning jewelry instead of writing my psych paper. Did you know that people used to wear rings made with their loved one’s hair? So creepy yet…….romantic? People are also quick to assume if you’re thriving in one area—like if I ace a particular project—it means I’m doing just fine. But maybe I turned in that project after an all-nighter and five mini meltdowns. ADHD isn’t linear. It’s a spaghetti graph with glitter. Audrey: You’ve talked a lot about how ADHD impacts your academic life. How does it affect your relationships with other students? Helena: Group conversations can be tricky. If the topic changes quickly or is about something I find boring, I’ll zone out. I’ll smile and nod but have no idea what’s happening. I’m also not good at small talk or filtering which has led to a lot of awkward moments, But, I’m highly empathic. I am quick to pick up on people’s vibes and I care a lot –maybe too much. I’ve had friends tell me I’m the first person who really “saw” them, which is probably the nicest compliment ever. Audrey: I’ve also read that those with ADHD are prone to resisting rules or authority. Is this something you struggle with? Helena: I feel attacked! Ha ha, just kidding. I am indeed a rebel sometimes with and sometimes without a cause—but I will die on the hill fighting pointless bureaucratic rules. “No, your five-minute-late policy should not outweigh my five hours of effort.” If the goal is learning, then help me get there—don’t trip me up over an arbitrary deadline. Audrey: What do you wish your professors or classmates knew about how to support students with ADHD? Helena: Please know we’re trying our best; we’re not slacking off or expecting special treatment. Our brains are doing cartwheels where yours walk in straight lines. Clear instructions, flexibility, and a little understanding ––make all the difference. We can be stars, under the right conditions, and with the right support. Whatever you do, do not imply we have “character” flaws. Audrey: Final question: What are the positive aspects of who you are that your diagnosis with ADHD has allowed you to discover? Helena: I truly believe that I am creative in a way I wouldn’t be if I was “neurotypical.” I feel as though I sometimes connect dots no one else sees and am quirky in a way that can result in unique and distinctive choices ––like the sculpture I made from trash or the skateboarding metaphor I used to tie together my art history paper’s thesis. And I’ve built a life that’s pretty unconventional but very me. Between my chaotic art studio, my skater crew, and my cat who thinks he’s a raccoon, I’m learning to love the way my brain works. Audrey: Helena, thank you for sharing your story with such openness and honesty. You provided great insights into the condition and how unique each person’s brain can be. Helena: I really appreciate the opportunity to shed light on the realities of living with ADHD and hopefully dispel some myths. If this helps someone feel less alone, or a parent better understand their child, that is a win-win.